A Kiss To Build A Dream On

How to tell if someone wants you to kiss them, at that moment? Ah, that’s… well, not an easy one. Different cues for different people and circumstances, and I’ve never tried putting it into words before. How about I skip ahead slightly and go over some fun options for that first kiss?

But before the do’s, let’s cover a couple don’ts and get them out of the way:

However impatient you are for that contact, don’t rush in at too high a speed or you are likely to either bruise both pair of lips between the teeth that bookend the physical arrangement, or possibly even crash teeth together. Either way, hitting yourself in the mouth with someone else’s head is probably not the best way to begin. If you look at the most desperate on-screen kisses, you’ll notice someone’s hands are almost always on the side or back of the other person’s head. Though it’s a nice pulling-in motion that has its romantic uses (and looks that way as well), it’s also a regulator to be sure no one gets hurt.

Also, in the name of Eros, don’t lead with your tongue. You are not a giraffe. This is pretty rare, and I’ve only had this happen to me one or two times, but it’s pretty disconcerting. You can progress from lips to tongue pretty quickly if you want, just don’t start off like an anteater with a hair-trigger. You could maybe start a kiss that way later, if it suits the situation; never at the first kiss.

For the rest of this, assume the usual: fresh breath, appropriate privacy level, knowing you’re both interested (I promise I’ll get to it), and so on. That nonsense dispensed with, let’s consider what we’re trying to do. Yes, yes, we’re trying to get a smooching session started, but what will help it go well, especially if it’s the first for a given pairing?

There is a range of levels of interest available to the kisser. On one extreme, they could be merely acquiescent. This is dreadful in the long term, and is almost a non-starter. The other end of the scale is a thirsty passion, in which one kisser wants to meld with the other and can’t be held back from the kiss. Their body will press against the other as though magnetized. The closer you are to that level of desire, the better the kiss will go. Obviously.

The thing to do, then, is to spike the interest as much as possible in the moments before starting an actual kiss, some point after the mutual interest has been established. If you can get the other person to pull you to them, it’s a job well done. If they meet your kiss in barely contained hunger, it is enormously satisfying.

There is also a best moment, when they’re at the highest point of interest, and it is best not to prolong things past that, lest they lose interest or wonder if you have. The idea is for their desire to launch them at the moment of its strongest power. That gives a memorable kiss, and likely many more to follow.

You don’t need to keep any of that in mind. It’s just putting into words what we do unconsciously, the better to consider what works. So, at last, some suggestions:

The feel of hair in one’s hands is primal and highly sensual. Add to that the fairly universal enjoyment of having someone’s hands touching your hair, especially close to the back of your scalp, and you have great potential. Slide your fingers up from the nape and enmesh them in their hair. Caress it to stimulate the wonderfully sensitive nerves there. The palm of your hand will vary between the nape of their neck and the turn of their jaw, which is goodness of its own kind. The other hand on the other side, and their expression will tell you when to actually kiss. Plus, you get the crash prevention the screen couples do.

An alternative: if you sense wildness in this one, grasp the hair at the back of their head. (Be careful not to pull at individual hairs!) You can move their head more or less at will this way. It’s less tactile pleasure for your fingers, but the more adventuresome will love the feel of the hold. To strike when the iron is most hot, do no more than a playful, slow shake before pulling them in for the kiss, or perhaps tilt their head back and kiss their neck first. The situation will tell you what will work best.

A personal favorite of mine is an impish tease. Look like you’re about to kiss them but pause as if unsure, a mere half inch from their lips. Almost kiss them, brushing against their mouth with a kiss that doesn’t quite connect, perhaps talking quietly and letting your breath be a near-contact of its own. You can’t do this for very long: either they’ll attack you in a kiss of their own, or they’ll give up and you’ll have lost the moment. Pay close attention and don’t get too pleased with your teasing.

As I suggested above, it’s possible to spike someone’s interest so strongly that they will be the one to initiate when it otherwise would have had to have been you. Oddly enough, it’s the more hesitant who are more likely to reveal such a wide swing in willingness. Perhaps it’s not all that odd: if they’re covering a strong interest, all it takes is reassurance for it to suddenly fly into action. The near-kiss method just described may prompt them to overcome it. Or, if they’re maintaining a physical closeness and clear interest but are otherwise entirely passive, kiss their neck and jawline until they can’t resist their own desire any more.

What if there is very little time, but you want a first kiss to remember? It is amazing what a light hand on a cheek will do, fingertips below the ear drawing them gently to you. Meet their lips with thoughts of nothing but how you wish you didn’t have to hold back, and it will be conveyed through your kiss.

There are many ways to make a first kiss work. The main thing is to be sure the one you’re about to kiss is  certain of their own interest, and that it’s a kiss to remember.

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Stranger, here you will do well to tarry; here our highest good is pleasure.